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  Surely the problem is the lack of input from the public, our sovereign being chosen by an accident of birth?
  
  Imagine the interest if, to coin a phrase, 'It Could be YOU'?
  
  Having had our 'People's Princess' cruelly murdered by the late Duke of Edinburgh and MI5, here is the opportunity for us to crown a People's King.
  
  It could be run like a cross between The Apprentice and Britain's Got Talent (sic) with contestants competing annually on prime-time TV to be Sovereign For A Year and eliminations by telephone-voting (calls will not cost more than 50p but make sure you have the bill payer's permission).
  
  Weekly they could be set tasks such as 1. Court the most vacuous virgin in the Kingdom 2. Obtain a place in Oxbridge with crap qualifications. 3. Pontificate at great length an a subject you have no expertise in without repetition, hesitation or deviation.
  
  The presenter should be some respected titan of industry like that bloke who runs Iceland who keeps on appearing on Question Time.
  
  The winner would have one whole year of being dressed in uncomfortable outfits and being driven/flown around the country to dine with various inconsequential worthies and use lavatories that smell of fresh paint.
  
  At the end of the year the winner should hand over the crown to the new 'sovereign' as they used to do so movingly in the excellent Miss World Contest, ideally dressed for the swimsuit-round, in a one-piece red, black and white underwired bathing costume, showing solidarity with the trans community in Gaza as well as his or her décolletage.
  
  I suspect the revenue from the advertising breaks during such a program, licensing deals and the 50p call fee would more than pay for the Royal Family.

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