The post you are reporting:
I thought the Vandals followed Gladiatorial competitions around Europe, and when their favourites got topped, they wrecked the ampitheatre and surrounding wattle and daub buildings. Aparently it got so bad that the Pope had to move from Rome to Avignon (he couldn't grasp Latin and thought he'd try French instead), but to his dismay, the Gauls had all left and gone to Iberia. This was because the Visitor Goths had decided to stay and cash in on housing benefits, child allowance etc. Damn foreigners.
Luckily the Britons had chickened out of a face off with the Jutes (Jewish relatives of the native American Utes) and transported themselves to Wales and Brittany, where they took up fishing and learning French. They were therefore able to send the Pope fresh fish for his supper, and that was a good thing (ack. 1066 etc).
Meanwhile, Augustine had landed in Kent via the Calais Dover stone age ferry boat and brought with him some new candles for the two light towers at the Dover harbour entrance. Unfortunately, his boat came ashore at Walmer beach and, not buying a pay and display ticket, the vessel was clamped before being towed away by DDC.
About the same time, the Irish trouble reared up and Paddy Saint decided to abscond to the land of Albion (probably bcause he'd heard of their promotion to the Premeirship), where he was initially mistaken for Augustine. As Paddy hadn't remembered to bring candles, only potatoes, he decided to change his name to Saint Patrick and set about introducing French Fries to the nation (he'd also been to Gaul but thought Gaul Fries sounded a bit off).
Coincidentally, up on the north east coast were some monks who were keen to make contact with the Jutes down south. They sent the local beedle to Kent to meet with the Jutish leader, St Michael, and invited him to open a shop specialising in selling beige clothes to old people. This was the moment when resistance to St Michael in Europe flared up, not helped by the Goths stealing the garibaldi biscuits from Florence. Dougal was particularly incensed. Blaming this incident on the Jutish Saint, all the aliens living in Italy rose up and formed the United Coloureds of BennyTown.
Blimey, I'm glad I paid attention at school.