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  It seems that those nasty Royal Mail managers are bullying your poor hard pressed postman. "It shouldnt be allowed!" said one, while weighed down with a gynormous Christmas sack.
  
  What's all this about sez you? Well the poor hardpressed Christmas postie is required to walk at 4mph while delivering. But 4mph is too fast for some and they prefer to walk at 2.1mph. But can a compromise be reached. After all you might need your redundancy cheque delivered in time for the Festive holiday season!..and at 2.1mph it will be a long time coming.
  
  I dont know about you but when I walk to the shops I prefer to walk at 3.7mph, so Im nearer to the managers on this one. On these grim white frosty mornings you could freeze the balls off of a brass monkey at 2.1mph and what good is a brass monkey without balls I ask you...exactly...and what good is a postman without balls either?
  
  Clearly the managers have the humble postman at heart, but are also keeping an eye on the future generation of posties. Without brass balls where is that next generation to come from? Its a father to son profession isnt it!
  
  Perhaps a compromise could be reached by getting all to walk at 3.7mph or maybe even as slow as 3.5mph. The older postmen who cant manage the new agreed speed would have to be pensioned off and in turn could get their redundancy cheques from the postman prepepared to do 4mph or even 3.5mph...and hopefully in time for that aforementioned Festive season. Okay, I hope this is very clear to you all.
  
  If we fail to reach an early agreement we can get in that local goodwill enterprenuer Bob Goldfield to spread some light and cheer. As you know industrial relations and widespread popularity are his particular cup of Festive cheer! He is right up there with Sanity Clause.

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