Weird Granny Slater
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 7 Jun 2017
- Posts: 3,003
NEW 7 November 2020
16:59366146 Just as balance to #101 of course:
The Gov and Bob Whysman like this
'Pass the cow dung, my dropsy's killing me' - Heraclitus
Bob Whysman
- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 7 November 2020
19:19366151 There are still some things in life that raise a chuckle amongst all the doom and gloom WGS!
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 12 November 2020
19:39366220 A man is walking past a Mental Institution when he hears a loud chanting coming from behind the wall, "Thirteen! Thirteen!”
Intrigued he walks slowly along as the chanting inside gets louder and louder. "Thirteen, Thirteen!”
He spies a hole in the wall and puts his eye to it. Someone inside gives his eye a real poke and the crowd carry on running and shouting "Fourteen! Fourteen!”
The Gov likes this
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 13 November 2020
19:48366241 I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, bragging about his highly paid job and his expensive sports car.
Then he showed me a picture of his wife on his phone and said to me, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
I replied, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend.”
He asked, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s an optician.”
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 19 November 2020
16:09366334 "I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked okay for a 57-year-old.
We drank a bit, and a had a bit of a snog and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
I said, "No."
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
"Mum, you still awake?"
James Hayes likes this
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Guest 3940- Registered: 8 Dec 2020
- Posts: 7
NEW 11 December 2020
11:59366793 What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
Reginald Barrington
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 17 Dec 2014
- Posts: 3,233
NEW 11 December 2020
16:51366810 Envelope
Arte et Marte
James Hayes- Location: Ramsgate but still house hunting in Dover !
- Registered: 22 Apr 2017
- Posts: 38
NEW 11 December 2020
17:59366813 Before the current lockout, I went to a pub and ordered
a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I
asked him for the wifi code.
“Oh no” he said, “No wifi in here, people used
to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their
families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now
people just stare at their phones and it breaks
my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub.”
“You know what?” I replied, “You’re right”
and I put my phone away.
“Thank you”, the landlord said, “In this pub I
want you to act as you would twenty five years ago.”
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint
and said “Two can play at that game mate.”
Bring back proper apprenticeships !
Guest 3925- Registered: 28 Nov 2020
- Posts: 541
NEW 11 December 2020
20:56366820 A couple as it's nearly Christmas.....
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
The Christmas jumper my kids gave me last year kept picking up static electricity. I took it back and exchanged it for another one – free of charge
I know, I know, I'll stick to my day job
Bob Whysman and Jan Higgins like this
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 11 December 2020
20:59366821 A man went into a public toilet, found an empty cubicle and settled down. As he sat there, a voice from the next cubicle called out, "Hi, how's it going?"
Not wishing to be rude, he replied, "Not too bad, thanks".
A few seconds later, the voice asked, "What are you up to ?".
Somewhat reluctantly, he replied, "Going to the loo".
Then he heard the voice again. "Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back. There's some idiot in the next cubicle butting in !"
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 12 December 2020
16:27366844 An 81 -year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, Gerry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God? “
Gerry replies, “God and I are tight, he knows I have poor eyesight, so hes fixed it for me. When I get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom, the light goes on automatically. When I’m done, the light goes off.”
“Wow, thats incredible,” says the doctor A little later in the day, the doctor calls Gerry’s wife. He says, “Gerry is doing fine but I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and the light goes on in the bathroom and when hes done, the light goes off?”
“OH MY GOD! His wife exclaims! He’s peeing in the fridge again!
Jan Higgins likes this
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Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 17 December 2020
19:08366976 My wife and I were having some trouble, so we did the right thing and went to a marriage counsellor .
After a few visits and a lot of questioning and listening, the counsellor said that he had discovered the main problem.
He stood up, went over to my wife and asked her to stand. He gave her a big hug followed by a big long passionate kiss and said,” I love you darling.”
He looked at me and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!"
I frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK. what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"
The Gov likes this
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Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 18 December 2020
20:36367027 A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon when suddenly the wife realised that her husband had ‘disappeared’.
The somewhat irate spouse called her husbands phone and demanded, “where the hell are you?”
Her husband said, “Darling you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the Diamond Necklace and totally fell in love with it? I didn’t have the money at that time and said baby, it’ll be yours one day.”
His wife excitedly said, “Yes, I remember that my Love.”
Her husband replied, “ Well, I’m in the Pub next to that shop.”
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Guest 3925- Registered: 28 Nov 2020
- Posts: 541
NEW 5 January 2021
11:11367519 In a complete reversal of my teenage years, I now find myself shouting at my parents for going out!
Bob Whysman, Reginald Barrington, Brian Dixon and
1 more like this
Bob Whysman, Reginald Barrington, Brian Dixon and Jan Higgins like this
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 8 January 2021
21:36367574 The Gov likes this
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 8 January 2021
21:42367575 Patrick and Mick were eating in an open-air cafe when it started raining really heavily.
..........It took them an hour and a half to finish the soup!
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 9 January 2021
20:47367598 Do nothing and nothing happens.
Guest 3925- Registered: 28 Nov 2020
- Posts: 541
NEW 11 January 2021
16:15367621 The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from your government and I'm here to help.
Can't take the credit for this one, I believe it was Ronald Regan?
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
NEW 11 January 2021
21:54367626 A mounted policeman stops a young girl riding a bike and asks "Did you get that for Christmas?"
"Yes" replies the little girl. "Well, next year tell Santa that you need a Reflector to fit on it.” He hands her a fixed penalty notice to give to her parents.
Unfazed, the girl asks the Policeman "Did you get your horse for Christmas?" "As a matter of fact I did" he replies.
"Next year you need to tell Santa that a Dick should be underneath the horse and not on it" she retorts.
The Gov likes this
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Bob Whysman- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,934
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "Youll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. Ive been trying to do that for years!"
Pablo, Jan Higgins and Brian Dixon like this
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The Gov likes thisDo nothing and nothing happens.
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